420 ftw
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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