She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
