If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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