$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
