Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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