apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
