apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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