Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
