It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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