"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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