Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
