my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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