Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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