No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
