I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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