Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
