I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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