You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
