remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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