Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
