Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
