sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
