yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
