can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
