I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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