I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
