Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
