If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
