just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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