The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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