I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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