I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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