dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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