Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
