I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
