So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
