This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
