Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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