So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
