i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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