I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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