I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
