I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
