Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
