I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
