I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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