went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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