it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
