mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my shit smells like andre
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
