The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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