we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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