Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
