I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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