I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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